War Of The Strawhat Pirates
by 07bumblebee07
Summary: A feast turns into a food fight with a drunk Sanji the main culprit. Robin is a baseball star and Sanji has the potential to be the next sniper. Nami just wusses out. As usual.


**War Of The Strawhat Pirates**

Holding his liquor was never Sanji's strong point. His strength was his Savate and his cooking. His food, so tasty it could bring the dead back to life. His pride and joy that he moderately boasted about from time to time. His cooking that he spent so much time on, slaving over every last detail.  
His cooking… that was plastered over the galley wall. Bits of food dribbled down the wooden planks, joined by a colourful splash of marinating sauce, just above Zoro's head.

Sanji let out a little giggle, staring at the Marimo's shocked expression. Everyone else was frozen, utterly confused at the Blonde's reaction.

And… it was his own food. His own plate of spaghetti that he had scooped up with one hand and flung it across the room.  
"Uh Sanji…." Zoro began to say but he was instantly silenced by another bout of giggles and a projectile of marinated pork cubes, several landing in his hair, most over his top, but one well aimed one that landed on his tongue.

Sanji exploded into laughter, reaching forward to the salad bowl. He scooped up the boiled potatoes and launched them in the captain's direction.

"FOOD FIGHT"

Suddenly, Luffy was on his feet, his mouth wide, catching the incoming food.  
Usopp pulled out his sniper, lining Chopper up with a meatball. It hit him on the nose just as he launched his own plate, piled with food, in a spinning, spraying Frisbee style throw that splattered almost every Strawhat member with spaghetti and bolognas sauce.

"Hey," Nami cried, but a splash of hot sauce flew in her direction. Robin used the girls own plate as a shield for her, sending her own bottle of chilli in Franky's direction, who had been the one to introduce the spice to the table. She was untouched, each of her seven hands (ignoring her two normal ones folded over her chest) wielding spoons, using them as baseball bats to hit the food back towards the sender.  
Or just towards the Captain.

Luffy inhaled everything thrown at him, stretching out to catch any misses, easily clearing up all the mess – except for the first launch of spaghetti slowly sliding down the galley wall behind the swordsman's head. At least the Captain was enjoying himself.

Usopp and Franky made a slap-dash fort of plates and cutlery, using makeshift weapons to sling a horde of pork chunks and meatballs in anyone's direction. Nami had taken shelter under the table, yelling at everyone to stop but no one was listening. They were having too much fun.

Sanji especially. He had an unrivalled knack for flinging food off a spoon.  
Zoro got another pork chunk in his mouth and a round of sweetcorn down his top, to which he retaliated standing up and emptying the entire serving bowl of spaghetti onto the Blonde's head.

"We're even now," he laughed, watching Sanji's shocked expression. "Not quite," the cook dared, downing the remainder of the Sake. He snatched a meatball out the air, and the bottle of chilli, launching it from his claimed silver spoon. Zoro was too busy daring Sanji to "try his best," when the extremely hot meatball lodged itself inside Zoro's mouth.

"HOT!" he shouted, jumping up, reaching for the water in the middle of the table.  
Everyone laughed at the display, watching as Usopp launched a tabasco star into Zoro's already burning mouth. Maybe it hadn't been the best idea at the time, but it certainly was amusing.

Zoro hadn't thought so, half-drowning himself from the water jug, alongside declaring death and intense pain to the drunken cook and the sharpshooter.

"Hah I'd like to see you try," Sanji sang, grinning like an idiot, before he suddenly keeled over, asleep from the alcohol. His head was caught by one of Robin's hands, who lowered the man's head gently onto the table, which had been cleaned of plates and bolognas stains.

"Well that was fun," she commented, turning to the crew.  
"Now let's clear up before Sanji realised what just happened."

* * *

 _It would probably never happen but I had fun writing this :)_


End file.
